Dismantle Repair
by fadingvoice
Summary: After a nasty breakup, Casey decides that it's time for her to change. Who's going to be there to catch her fall? It may be a one shot, depending if people want me to continue or not...Dasey
1. Rebirthing

"Casey, just stop being so…Casey!" No response. "You're selfish, stubborn, self righteous, and you expect perfection from everyone!" Still silence. "Must everyone be exactly like you? The world isn't like that, Casey! Stop trying to change people! The only person who needs to change is you!"

"Is that what you really think of me?" I asked coldly. There needn't be a word said. The reflection simply nodded. I completely agreed.

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"First thing's first," I said to myself. To the emptiness around me. Everyone else had gone to a hockey game. I'd stayed home for a date with Max to find a rude awakening. Being dumped for some cheerleader who'd thrown herself all over him while we were dating. Escaping the bitter memories, I took all the things Max had given me and took them to the backyard. I even did so much as to get the wilting flowers he'd given me for my birthday. Grabbing some stones, I began my ritual. I lit a fire, taking the jacket he'd given me for Christmas and throwing it in. it slowly became devoured by the consuming flames. His varsity jacket. I supposed it might be cruel (and he might've wanted me to pay for a new one), so I let it live. Then, all the love notes he'd written. Never again would I take the word "love" so lightly. Finally, I set the dying, red roses within the fire to watch the petals turn black, then disappear. This was my goodbye to Max. I wouldn't spend time dwelling on the breakup like I had with Sam.

"Hm…" I pondered. "Maybe I could call him up." I laughed at my rashness. The new Casey could deal with being alone. I'd make sure of it. After putting out the fire, I rushed up to the bathroom and turned on the faucet.

That's where you came in, with my breakdown about the thing I hate about me. So, instead of making you read all of that again, I'll continue.

I took a washcloth to my face, scrubbing it gently. When I removed it, I saw a blend of colors upon it. I was afraid to look in the mirror. I'd seen myself before as…beautiful. However, looking into the cloth, I felt ashamed that I might need the blur to be such. Taking a deep breath, I looked up.

"You look better than ever," I told myself. I wasn't completely sure that it was true, but the majority of me believed it. I actually had features underneath the mask that I'd never seen before. My imperfections. I'd always thought that I had to be perfect, so I had never dreamed of embracing it. These imperfections were actually refreshing. A reminder that I was human. I took in my entire after that. My hair perfectly done, my necklace no a millimeter out of place. Even my clothes were the image of perfection. I took my hair out of its bun, but it did no good. The hair just lay perfectly upon my shoulders. Frustrated, I moved on to my wardrobe, exchanging the elegant dress for some stained pajama pants and an old t-shirt twice my size. It actually felt better to dress like I wasn't trying to impress someone. Still, something bothered me. From the moment I chose to do it, I knew it could be risky. However, I knew if anything went wrong, my perfectionism would take over and everything would be alright. I began. A few minutes later, I looked in the mirror and was satisfied. My hair was just above my shoulders with a choppy, layered look. When you put the hair, the clothes, and the lack of makeup together; it looked like I'd just gotten out of bed. I liked it.

"Casey McDonald, what the heck did you do!?" The shouting followed with a chorus of gasps and a laughter solo.

"Casey, you looked like you died," Derek chirped. I chose to ignore it.

"Could you all just leave us alone?" Mom asked with all the calmness she could muster.

"Can I videotape it?" Edwin asked quickly.

"Now!" They all scurried out of the room, surprised at, and afraid of, that lashing. Mom closed the door, taking care to lock it.

"Now, Casey," she began, taking a deep breath. "Tell me what happened." I, in turn, took my deep breath.

"Max broke up with me.:

"Casey, don't tell me you did this-"

"Mom," I interrupted. "That's what the fire out back was for," She stood up. "I put it out." She sat back down. "I did this because it's what I wanted. I wanted to change."

"But, Casey, we love you just the way you are," she offered, hoping to satisfy me with that answer.

"I know," I replied. "But I don't."


	2. The Ponytail Parades

"What did you do?" Emily questioned, taking in my new appearance. I decided to go "simple and casual" for the day with a vintage band t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I'd flipped the bottom layers of my hair out, giving it that Reese Witherspoon look.

"Nothing," I replied. "Just some slight changes."

"Slight?" Emily's voice didn't convey understanding. "It's like you're not even Casey anymore." She didn't get it.

"That's the point, Em," I tried to reason. "I don't want to be a person who's always looking for flaws and trying to force people to care about issues that they never will. I'm tired of trying to be perfect."

"So what's your ambition now?" she inquired, a supportive smile on her face.

"Being me."

"So, Emily, how do you like Casey's new look?" a smug faced Derek asked, interrupting our conversation.

"It's different." she replied, quickly adding. "But in a good way." She took a quick glance for my approval. "What do you think of it?" If glares could kill, Emily wouldn't have breathed another second. She knew he'd say something sarcastic. He was Derek. Did she really crave a few more moments with him enough to set her best friend up for humiliation? I dug my nails into my arm, awaiting the sting.

"Same," he replied, a devilish smile coming to his face. "I'm just wondering how the boyfriend will take it." Emily looked to me to reply.

"Ex boyfriend." I informed him. For a moment, I thought I saw sympathy in his eyes. However, I soon decided it wasn't sympathy. It was pity.

"Well, this is awkward," Derek concluded. "I'm gonna go. See ya later, Em!"

"Oh my gosh!" Emily squealed. "He said he'd see me later!"

"He didn't say something mean about my new look today," Her smile turned to a slight frown.

"Why would he?" she asked.

"Yesterday he said I looked dead."

"Well, you probably did," Emily defended. "You were sitting out by the fire in the middle of February and then you **removed** your makeup. Has Derek ever seen you without makeup on?" I shook my head. "See, a reasonable explanation."

"Then why would I not look horrible today?" She took a moment to consider this.

"I don't know" was all she could come up with.

"Marti!" I shouted in frustration. "Take that crap off!"

"But I look pretty," she pleaded. There she was, this little girl bouncing on my bed, thinking she needed makeup to be beautiful.

"You look pretty without it," I assured her.

"But you wore it."

"I know, Marti, but I was wrong."

"Wouldn't be the first time," Derek interrupted, that smirk of his showing brightly.

"Smerek!" Marti yelled, running to give him a hug.

"Smarty," he replied a little less eagerly. They embraced, then he continued. "Go wash that stuff off your face." When she shook her head defiantly, he tickled her out the door.

"Thanks," I waited for a him to follow it with some snide remark.

"Don't mention it" was all he said, then walked out the door.

"Who is he?" I asked myself. "One minute he's regular, annoying Derek. Then the next he pulls an _almost_ mature act out of his act. This isn't Derek," I reminded myself. "He's sloppy, superficial, and demeaning. There is no way he's nice. It's an act. A joke on me in the end. Well I will not be fooled, Derek Venturi!" I trust my fist into the air and shouted aloud. "You will not get the best of Casey McDonald!"

"Casey?" Lizzie was standing in the doorway. "What are you doing?" I put my arm down quickly.

"Um…nothing." I replied.

"I know this breakup was hard on you-" Lizzie was playing Dr. Phil on me.

"Lizzie, I'm fine." I insisted.

"If you say so," She then proceeded to her room. I didn't know what game Derek was playing, but I intended to win.


	3. The Fight

"So how long do you plan on avoiding him, Case?' I turned to see Derek walking along side me. It seemed…odd, he'd never done things like that before.

"I must be really different," I thought as we walked.

"Well," I replied. "I'd tell you, but I'm not avoiding him." He scoffed.

"It's been three days since the breakup and there hasn't been one encounter. It sort of screams you're avoiding him." I stopped at my locker, Derek too his "back against the wall" stance.

"It's not that," I insisted while grabbing my books. "It's just that we haven't run into each other yet. We do have different classes." Derek nodded disbelievingly.

"Casey!" Emily shouted from the other end of the hall; coming to my rescue, or to her wedding to Derek. One she reached us, Derek began his war.

"My, my, Emily, you're lookin' pretty good today." Emily blushed but still tried desperately to remain cool.

"You're not lookin' so bad yourself," she replied smoothly. Wait hadn't we already gone through this before? Derek went on a date with Em to prove a point about Sam and I. Why was he doing this now?

"Hey, do you think you might wanna catch a movie this weekend?" Derek asked, putting on the sweetest smile he could muster. I could tell that Emily was about to jump up and down, but she held composure.

"Sure." Derek gave a dull wave and walked away.

"What. The. Heck."

"Casey, can't you just be happy for me?"

"I don't want to see you go through the same thing you did last time."

"And what reason would he have to use me now." Her face depicted a felling of betrayal. I didn't want to lose a friend over Derek.

"I don't know." I replied, slamming my locker door. Emily didn't seem to notice my anguish.

"Um…Casey, are you sure you're over Max?" Emily questioned. Then it was my turn to show a face of the betrayed.

"Yeah," I insisted.

"It's just that…" She stopped.

"It's just that what?"

"It's just that you seem more anti-love since you and Max broke up."

"Em, I'm fine," I assured her. "No need to worry."

"You didn't give a happy eye to Kendra's new boyfriend.:

"That's because he's Derek in Italian form." Emily shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, if it isn't Casey McDonald." Em and I began walking away. "Tell me, Casey, did you get the new look in hopes of getting Max back?" I quickened. "Well, I've got news for you. Nothing you ever do will get him back." I turned to face her, the hallways now almost empty.

"You can have him, I don't want him," I told her, then went back to walking away.

"You're just saying that because you know you can't get him back!" Please kill me for always needing to have the last word.

"Why would I want a guy who lowers his standards to the likes of you?" She took a few steps toward me.

"Oh please. I'm an upgrade."

"You're right. You are an upgrade." The tension in her frown eased. "An upgrade from normal to little brat whose dad gives her too much money." She continued forward, only a few yards away now. Emily fled the scene, where she was going, I was uncertain.

"At least I know how to use money," she snapped.

"Oh yes, getting your nails done is _so_ much more important than the kids in Africa." Two meters away.

"I could make you the least popular girl in school before you could blink."

"Oh my gosh!" I did my best impression of her. "I'm not popular! What ever will I do? Get over yourself. There's more to life than this."

"Oh yeah, Gandhi? Then why don't you enlighten us?" she demanded.

"And what fun would that be?" I questioned, a Derek-like smirk coming to my face. She took another step forward.

"I'm gonna mess you up so bad-"

"Badly," I corrected. Where was all this spite and courage coming from?

"Whatever," she continued. "That when you wake up, your clothes will be out of style."

"Gosh this is really pathetic." Her eyes filled with rage, she could've taken a swing at me then. "You can't even make up your own threat." I left her standing there, dumbfound and ashamed.


	4. Disguising Mistakes With Goodbyes

"Casey, that doesn't sound like you at all," Paul, the guidance councilor, concluded after listening to my story.

"I know," I replied. "It was weird. But I wasn't about to let her walk all over me."

"But you might've started a whole new problem by retaliating." he warned.

"Don't worry. I'll be careful." After writing a pass, Paul sent me off to class. Derek gave me an inquisitive look as I sat down. Trying to avoid his stare, I focused on the work we were given. Despite my obvious ignoring stance, Derek kept staring.

"What is wrong with him?" I wondered while pondering the issues of English. I ran out of the room as quickly as possible the moment the bell rang only to find Derek walking along side me.

"So where were you?" he asked. "No one is in guidance for that long unless they've really messed up."

"Long story that I'd rather not tell."

"Run into Max?"

"His new girlfriend." Derek's face portrayed interest.

"Any fists involved?" Stupid smirk.

"Do I look beaten up?"

"No." A new expression, that I couldn't define, appeared upon his face. "No, you don't."

"So that's that…And we need to talk later," I said, then made a sharp turn before her knew what was happening.

At lunch, Derek sought me out and took a seat with Emily and I.

"So what's up girls. Gossip's booming about you, Casey." he informed me. "Some people are saying that Max is gonna talk to you." I shrugged my shoulders dully, trying to hide my anxiety at the thought of meeting with Max.

"What have they been saying about Casey?" Emily inquired. Derek loved that Emily cared about what other people thought. You could see it on his face.

"Depends on who you ask." Emily was listening intently. I was trying to focus on the food in front of me. "To the cheerleaders and football players, she's evil. To everyone else, she's good. But you can't forget that…"

"Peas, corn, potatoes," I repeated until I was certain that he was done.

"Casey, we've got some serious rep. control to take care of." Emily was taking this thing _way_ too seriously. There were nicknames before that I didn't deserve in the past, I'd get over this one.

"Emily, remember Klutzilla?" I glared at Derek. "Grade grubber? It's all the same. A stupid nickname that people will eventually forget." Emily shook her head.

"The entire football team is out to make you miserable. Don't you care?"

"The only way they'll make me miserable is if I let them."

"Case, you've lost it." Derek added.

"At least I have something to find," I snapped back.

"Casey, we're on your side," Emily assured me. "Me, Derek…"

"Sam," Derek included quickly. I sighed aloud.

"Alright, the four of us will ride this out." Emily looked unsure, Derek was smirking, and Sam was nowhere to be found. Some team.

"So, Casey, what's the came plan?" I looked to Em.

"Game plan?"

"Yeah," she continued. "A way to get back in the good graces of the popular kids." I sat in silence, amazed we were even talking about this. "Derek, can you help us?" He looked all too satisfied at Emily's begging.

"Well, why don't we see if Max is gonna talk to me first?" I suggested. They looked less than pleased.

"No offense, Case, but that'll probably make things worse." I stared at Emily in disbelief.

"She's right, Casey," Just what I expected from Derek.

"I love you," I had trouble believing her. "But when you try to fix things…"

"Usually, they get worse." Derek finished.

"And that's even worse." Emily concluded. I felt the pang of betrayal racing through me. Anger. Sorrow. Hatred. All the things I know I shouldn't have been feeling towards them, well, Emily.

"Why do we have to be popular?" I snapped. "Why is it always about compromising yourself to please them? I don't wanna be like that!"

I was getting good at walking away.


	5. Fractions

"Casey, you knew we'd have to do this sooner or later, right?" I nodded. "So I just have a few questions to ask."

"Shoot."

"Why did you tell my girlfriend to dump me or she'd suffer the consequences?"

"Why did your girlfriend seek me out, telling me to give up on getting you back?" He titled his head in confusion. "Look, I have no problem with you, or your girlfriend, but if she starts messing with me, I'll fight back."

"What happened to you, Casey?" Max asked. "You're not the Casey I went out with."

"You're right," I agreed. "That Casey died the night she found out her boyfriend dumped her for a girl who lies to him."

"How can I be sure that you're not the liar when you're not even the same Casey anymore?"

"Because this Casey's got better things to do than play he said, she said. You know, I thought I'd start crying if we talked. But it turns out, you're not the person I thought you were, either."

"So did you smooth things over?" Emily asked eagerly, Derek at her side.

"He must really like her," I thought to myself. They both looked to my for a reply.

"Not exactly…"

"Casey!" Emily exclaimed.

"I'll got talk to him," Derek added, turning to go.

"No!" I shouted, a few people turning to look at me. "I don't want this! I don't want my friends trying to undo the words that I said!" My voice quieted. "The words that I meant."

"But, Casey, this affects more than just you," Emily explained. "It hurts all of us."

"Then do some damage control for yourself!" I snapped. "I'm tired of caring about popularity and I'm tired of people trying to fix their own through mine. If it really means that much to you, go get it. Just leave me out of it." That afternoon, at lunch; Emily, Derek, and Sam avoided me. I expected it. I had blown up at them for trying to help me. But it was my life, and I wasn't backing down.

"Hey, Casey, mind if we sit down?" I looked up to find Kendra and the Italian Derek waiting for my reply.

"Not at all." They took their seats.

"So Charlie and I were talking," Kendra began. "and we thought it was so awesome that you stood up to Summer."

"Was that really her name?" I asked myself. "I always thought it was Leila."

"Thanks," I replied. "You guys would be the only ones." Kendra sent me a questioning glance. "Emily and Derek are worried about my reputation." Charlie laughed.

"Derek's always been too obsessed with reputation." I was wrong about Charlie, definitely not the Italian Derek.

"But Emily's worried?" Kendra questioned. I nodded somberly.

"And Derek asked her on a date." Kendra's eyes flared.

The flare followed with, "Derek better say his prayers cause he's gonna die!" In spite of its totally serious tone, Charlie and I burst out laughing.

"Maybe I'll be alright without Em and Sam," I thought. "Kendra and Charlie aren't that bad."

"Casey, you said we needed to talk?" I turned to find Derek in my bedroom doorway.

'No, it's alright," I replied, going back to my book. Emily hadn't spoken to me in two days. Neither had Derek.

"Are you sure? You seemed pretty serous about it," he continued, coming in and taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"I was, but now I'm not even sure what I wanted to talk about."

"Come on, Case, you don't forget anything. Especially not when it comes to me," he persisted, moving closer.

"Sorry," I shrugged my shoulders. Closer.

"Did it have anything to do with Emily, perhaps?"

"If it did, wouldn't I talk to her about it?

"But what if you wanted to warn me to treat her well?"

"Em can take care of herself," His face was brushing up against mine, his lips racing towards my ear. He whispered.

"Just like-"

"Derek, could you back up please?" I asked in the nicest way possible. He didn't comply, just finished his sentence.

"Just like you can?" The doorbell rung. He drew back. "Coming!" What. The. Heck.


	6. Under Serious Attack

"Oh my gosh, Casey, it was just so amazing!" Emily called the morning after her date. An apology was issued and all seemed well. However, it was now Monday lunch, and she was still talking about it. "I mean, Derek was so perfect and at the most romantic part of the movie, he kissed me." I don't know why, but it really bothered me that she was talking about kissing Derek. Derek, the stepbrother. The evil one who I'm sending underground for his acts on Friday night. Her Derek and mine were completely different guys.

"At least she's happy," I thought, taking a deep breath in as she continued to talk about him.

"…I can't wait for Thursday."

"What's Thursday?" I inquired.

"Derek's hockey game," she responded. "He invited me to come watch it." I forced a smile. I seemed to be doing that often. With everyone.

"Awesome."

"Oh look! There's Derek and Sam now!" Derek took the seat next to Emily, putting his arm around her, sending me a devious glance.

"So what's up, Casey? You ok?" Sam asked, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied. He smiled at this.

"Em, how many times do we have to go over this?" Derek questioned loudly. "I love you more." Emily retaliated.

"No, I love you more!" I stared at my plate to keep from thinking nasty thoughts towards them. I took a quick glance at Sam, engrossed in his lunch, unfeeling towards the conversation.

"Well, I gotta go," I finally said after a chorus of "I love you"s. it was getting harder to think happy thoughts towards them. The three nodded, happy to see me on my way.

"What's wrong with me?" I wondered. "Why should I care if Em and Derek are all lovey dovey?" I stopped at my locker. "She's happy. Isn't that all that matters? It should be." I scolded myself for the mean thoughts. Turning away from my locker, I stopped dead. He was standing right there. Max.

"Casey, I've been thinking about what you said, and you're right. We didn't know each other at all and that's why our relationship didn't last." I chose to agree. "So I'll smooth things over with Summer and we can go to being friends, alright?"

"Yeah," I replied. As he began to walk away, I called after him. "Hey!" He turned around. "Good luck with Summer!" He smiled, gave a dull wave, then continued walking. I finally understood why I hated happiness in love. No matter what bad things he thought about me, no matter how many things he gave me that I burned; I still wasn't over him.

"So, Casey, I hear all's smoothed over with Max," Derek informed me.

"What, the gossip reach the lowest branches of the tree alright?" I snapped back.

"Ouch, Case," He put his hands on my shoulders. "You need to lighten up."

"Don't you have a game to get ready for?" I questioned, removing myself from his grasp.

"I'm all set," he assured me. I ran for the stairs, he not far behind. When I got to the top of the stairs, Derek wrapped his arms around my waist. He put his lips to my ear, yet again. "Wanna have a pre game?" For a moment, I was immobile, taking in the meaning of his words. Without thinking, I raised my heel and dug it into his foot. He grasped his foot in pain, glaring at me.

"Game over. I win." I shut myself in my, only coming out once I was sure Derek wa gone.

"Casey, what re you doing?" Lizzie asked as I rushed toward my room after hearing Derek come in. I immediately stopped.

"Well, you see," Any excuse would've done, but only one came to mind. "Derek and I are playing pranks on each other and I just wanted to make sure that he didn't surprise me." Before I'd even finished my sentence, he was there; hockey uniform and all.

"That's right, Lizzie. Thanks for stalling her," Derek interrupted. Lizzie then disappeared within her room. The hallway was empty. "So you wanna have a prank war?" I glared at him viciously. Suddenly, I let out a gasp. I was up against the wall, Derek's hands holding my shoulders down.

"Derek, let go or I'll scream," I threatened. His lips returned to their comfortable stop on my body.

"You wanna play pranks?" he whispered. "Prank number one: I pretend to like your best friend." He released me, then said aloud. "Your turn." My heart pounded as I watched him walk away.

"What am I gonna do?" I asked myself as I made my way to my room. "If I tell Emily, Derek will deny it; and, of course, she'll believe him."

"Hey, Casey," I turned to see Edwin. He simply put his index finger to his lips, then walked away.


	7. A Hoax To Live For

I paced my room, hoping an idea would come to me. Unfortunately, the only idea I could come up with was to stay as far away from Derek, and Edwin, as possible. Trying to get my mind off of the mess I was in, I took out the book I'd been reading. It really was very insightful, giving into the chase bores a boy. Suddenly, and idea came to mind. If the author's theory was correct, giving into Derek would make his lose interest. Getting him away from me. My prank was set, it was just a matter of carrying it out.

"Emily, please stop talking," I begged at the lockers the next morning. She stared at me for a moment.

"Casey, I thought you were happy for me." I scoffed.

"It's Derek. I'm happy that you're happy, it's just that it's…Derek." Her eyes grew cold.

"I know you don't like him, Casey; but he's a better guy than you think." She slammed her locker door and ran to Derek, who winked at me secretly. It took all my self control not to murder him then and there.

"I'm tired of this." I thought. "I don't want a fake best friend."

"Are you sure you're ok?" Kendra asked again. I nodded. "I can't believe her! I mean, she knows that you don't like Derek, and I can vouch for what a crappy boyfriend he is." She gave Charlie an apologetic smile. "So why is she flipping out? She knew it was coming." I shrugged. "Speaking of which," Kendra's eyes guided me to Emily, coming toward us.

"Casey, we need to talk," Emily informed me.

"Ok." I got up and followed her to the hallway.

"Look, Casey, I'm tired of us fighting because I'm going out with Derek."

"Me, too."

"But the thing is, it's always _your_ fault." The knife successfully entered my back.

"Excuse me?"

"You always start the fights."

"No I-"

"Casey, I love you, but unless you can be happy for me, and Derek, I don't think we should be friends anymore."

"Fine," I replied. "We're not friends anymore." I returned to the lunch table to find an eager Kendra. She wasn't happy with Em once I was done telling her what happened.

"Ok, operation "Fool Derek" is a go," I thought to myself as I heard Derek come up the stairs. He was in my doorway. "Remain calm, Case."

"So…" I began, fumbling with the words I wanted to say. He came and sat on the edge of the bed. "I have something I want to tell you."

"That you and Emily aren't friends anymore? I know," he interrupted.

"No," I replied, slowly moving my hand towards his. "Something more _personal_." He then took notice of my hand, taking it in his own.

"Does that mean what I think it does?" he questioned.

"Yep." A smirk came to his face, a fake grin upon mine.

"I knew you'd come around, Casey," My smile disappeared as I saw Derek moving toward me, full force. At first I didn't know how to react to it. His lips upon mine. But slowly I began to respond.

"This wasn't part of the plan," I reminded myself, although I honestly didn't care. "What about Emily? Your best friend?"

"Ex best friend," my cynical side countered. "And why not have some fun?"

"But this'll kill her," my good natured side reminded. "She loves Derek, and he's cheating on her. With me." I suddenly froze completely, though Derek continued to kiss me.

"She stabbed you, you stab her," "cynical" commanded. I forced myself to kiss Derek back even harder than before. In reaction to this, he stuck his hand under my shirt. I jumped slightly at his cold touch. He suppressed a laugh and continued.

"Since when was I like this?" I asked myself. Derek's hand moved up, he could feel my ribs. I grabbed his hand and removed it, pulling my lips away. He looked shocked and a little upset. I dragged him to the door, forcing him into the hallway. He looked back at me.

"Prank number two: Pretend to like your stepbrother." His eyes widened, but he didn't say anything. Once he was in his room, I shut and door and let out a victory cheer. I then heard a knock. Opening the door, I found Edwin.

"You're gonna regret that, Casey," he warned. Just when I was about to ask him why, he scurried away.


	8. Vanus Empty

"Casey, I can't believe that you would do this!" he shouted, I cringed at the hatred behind his words.

"Max, I didn't!" I pleaded. He scoffed.

"Why else would he do it, Case?" His voice was skeptical, as though he thought I couldn't give him an answer. Although I couldn't convey the entire situation, I could tell him bits and pieces.

"Derek was really mad at me and wanted to get revenge through you," I explained.

"You know, I though we were alright. I thought you were over the breakup. But, obviously, you aren't." He began walking away.

"Max, that's not it! Max stop!" He continued walking. "Why won't you believe me?" He turned back to me.

"Because you've given me no reason to," I forced back the tears that threatened overflow. I would be strong.

Prank number three: Make out with stepsister's ex boyfriend's girlfriend, then blame it all on her. I should've known.

"Casey, is it true?" Kendra asked at lunch. "Did you force Derek to make out with Summer?"

"No! Do you actually think I would do that?"

"No," she assured me. "It's just that the gossip mill is grinding you." I rolled my eyes. "So how did this happen?" I looked over to Charlie.  
"I'll give you your privacy," he said before I even started to ask.

"Alright, spill," Kendra commanded.

"Last night I made Derek really mad. He said he's get me back. I just didn't think it'd be this bad." I explained.

"That must've been one bad thing you did." Kendra commented. "I mean, to go through this much trouble just to get back at you."

"You have no idea."

"Well, you've definitely got more enemies than friends."

"I think I like it better that way."

"You do?"

"I don't want friends who believe everything they hear or leave me for a guy. I'm good with my mom, Lizzie, you, and Charlie." Kendra smiled. "Who else do I need?" Max.

"I knew you were low, Casey, but never this low!" Summer snapped as she passed me in the hallway.

"Says the girl who cheated on her boyfriend," She stopped and looked me dead in the eye.

"You're the one who sent him after me," she replied.

"And you actually believe that?" I questioned. "What, do you think I can tell him what to do? Heck no."

"But you probably put the idea in his head," she persisted.

"If it were my idea, there's be more than just you cheating on Max. I wouldn't hurt Max." She scoffed. "Now believe what you wanna believe, but I know what I didn't do." I could catch a glimpse of her evil glare as I continued to my next class. I took a deep breath.

"I will not kill Derek," I told myself as I walked into the room. However, seeing Derek, I reconsidered. "Until we get home." He had a smirk on his face as he watched the masses' hatred towards me. Emily's glare stood out. She looked as though she were trying to make me disappear with her stare. I suddenly burst out laughing, unable to contain it. Everyone looked at me now as though I were mentally ill.

"Ms. McDonald, do you find something funny?" the teacher asked.

"Yes, I do," I replied. The teacher's eyebrow lifted.

"And what would that be?" The entire class waiting for my answer.

"Who never know who you are until you realize who you used to be." The teacher gave me an inquisitive glance.

"How so?"

"It's not really one of those things that you can explain. You sort of have to figure it out on your own.

"In other words, Casey's in her own world," Derek commented. The class laughed but the teacher kept their eyes on me.

"And how did you come about this realization, Casey?"

"Well, recent events really."

"So you used to be Klutzilla, now you're the crazy ex girlfriend?" Derek joked insultingly. It'd didn't break the concentration between the teacher and I. the world around laughed, but we were intense.

"Do you know who you are, Casey McDonald?"

"Yes, sir, I do."


	9. Fully Alive

After that moment, I had a new air of confidence. I'd finally become the Casey I wanted to be. I didn't need the opinions of anyone else. I was proud of who I'd become. Someone who could stand strong against the rest of the world, accept that some people wouldn't change, and always remember the ones she held dear. This was me. This had always been me. I was just too stupid to see it before.

"So, Casey, have fun at school today?" Mom asked at dinner that night.

"Yeah," I replied honestly. Derek seemed displeased with my happiness in such turmoil.

"What about you, Derek?" George added.

"Oh, it was a blast." His smirk couldn't have gotten wider. Although it sickened me to hold it in, I was non responsive. I could tell he was becoming annoyed.

"May I be excused?" I asked. Walking away, I could feel his eyes wandering my body. Hadn't Emily come to her senses yet and dumped him? Obviously not. Half an hour later, Derek was at my door. He was seeking me out. That's the way it always was.

"Did you like my prank, Case?" He took his seat at the edge of my bed again. I shrugged my shoulders, hoping it came off as though I didn't care. "Practically the whole school hates you." Instead of shrugging, I decided to do something much more…me. I looked Derek right in the face and smiled. I smiled the brightest smile he'd ever seen from me, and he was obviously appalled. "If your prank's to pretend you don't care, it's a crappy one."

"I don't have to pretend," His smirk returned, he'd gotten me to speak.

"Doesn't it bother you that all your friends have turned on you?" Derek inquired.

"They were never really friends to begin with," He nodded as if in agreement.

"So you're saying you don't need friends?" he assumed.

"No, I'm saying that I don't need friends who will turn on me," I assured him. Again, he nodded suspiciously.

"What about Max?" he inquired. I held my breath. "I bet it just kills you to know he hates you for what you've done."

"It's his choice to believe what he wants to believe."

"But you know he hates you. He _hates_ you, Casey."

"It's his life. He can hate whom he pleases," Derek knew he was beginning to break me.

"You know, Casey, I can make this all go away. Your hurt, your sadness, your betrayals. I can erase them all if you'd just give in." He took my hand in his gently, keeping his eyes on me to make sure I understood.

"But I don't want all these things to go away," I took my hand away from his. "I don't want to go on as though they never happened. Because of what's happened, I've found who my real friends are. Who I am. And to wish that all away? Never." His eyes widened.

"Casey, by the time I'm done with you, you'll wish you'd never stepped foot into this house!" he threatened. I shrugged my shoulders, ten went to my door and opened it.

"Good luck with that," Grumbling, he got up and walked out of the room. A deep sigh of relief filled the silence. It was quiet, peaceful without Derek.

"Casey!" When I turned around, a giant smile came upon my face.

"Noel!" I exclaimed, embracing him in a hug. "What's up?"

"Nothing really. Heard you were having some hard times, so I thought I'd check up on you." I laughed.

"I'm alright. I had a social life before, but I'm good." A playful smirk came to his face.

"You mean your new circle is below even mine?" I nodded, pretending to be extremely depressed.

"Sadly, Noel, what you say is true." He laughed.

"Seriously though," he began. "I know it's probably been rough on you. But I know you didn't tell Derek to do it. Derek uses whatever excuses he can to save his own hide."

"Thanks, you're one of the few," I informed him.

"Maybe in your circle, but in mine, we all believe you." I must've looked extremely surprised, because he elaborated. "We all know the type of guy Derek is. And I know you. You're not like that." I could feel myself blushing under his gaze.

"Hey, um…Casey, would you like to come to a party with me on Friday night?" Noel inquired.

"Yeah," I replied. "I'd like that." A voice from the other end of the hallway called out to him. After exchanging goodbyes, he disappeared into the crowd. I stared at my books in a daze.

"Casey!" I looked up to find Noel at the other end of the hallway. "Good to talk to you again!" He paused. "And I like the hair!" A wide smiled was on my face as I watched him fall into a river of people.

"So you've got a date Friday?"

"Derek-"


	10. It's Dangerous Walking Out Your Door

"I'll go get us some sodas!" Noel shouted above the music. I nodded, watching him disappear into the crowded kitchen. For a few moments, I stood there alone, thoughts consuming my head.

"You shouldn't go with him," Derek had warned the other day. "You won't have a good time. I'll make sure of it."

Suddenly, there was a tap upon my shoulder.

"Sam?"

"Casey, what are you doing here?" He looked less than pleased to see me.

"Noel invited me," I replied defensively.

"No, Casey," He looked frustrated. "Em and Derek and are gonna be here soon," he warned. I smiled slightly.

"Thanks for the warning," Sam then proceeded to a blonde on the other end of the room.

"Hey. What's up?" Noel inquired upon his return.

"Nothing. Do you wanna get out of here?" I suggested. "Parties aren't really my thing."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Mine either." We drove to the nearest coffeehouse and situated ourselves at a booth, ready for catching up.

"Alright, so since you already know all that's happened to me since the play; what about you?" I asked.

"Well, I've gotten into community theater," he informed me. "But I have a few questions for you."

"Shoot."

"Why did Max break up with you?"

"For Summer. Didn't you know?" He shook his head. "Yeah, well, that's why."

"So why didn't you wanna stay at the party?" I leaned my head to the side, as though I didn't know what he was talking about. "Come on, I know it's not that you're "not into parties"." I laughed.

"Same told me that Derek was gonna show up."

"You see him every day. What's the problem?"

"I'd rather not see him more than I have to." The light sound of a guitar floated through the room. "Trevor?" Hearing his name, he looked up and smiled.

"This song goes out to Casey McDonald!" Trevor announced. Taking a glance at Noel, I saw a glint of irritancy and sadness in his eyes.

"Noel, it's not like that. Trevor and I are just friends. Just like you and me," I explained.

"Just friends, Case?"

"Yeah, just friends."

"Ever wondered who sent you those flowers?"

"It was-"

"Yeah, it was me. But obviously you wanna be just friends, so that's what we'll be." He got up and stormed out of the coffeehouse just as Trevor's song ended.

"You alright, Casey?" Trevor asked as he took the seat across from me.

"Yeah," I assured him. "I'll be fine." My coffee was almost gone.

"You must be saying that a lot now," I looked up from my drink in surprise. "I mean, it seems like a lot of crap that you don't deserve is happening to you."

"You don't get to pick and choose what life gives you," I responded.

"I know, but you must hate-"

"Trevor, could you please stop?" I begged. "You sound just like Derek. I know that things aren't fantastic right now, but I'm not going to wallow in self pity. I'm sick and tired of being told how I must feel. I'm fine, Trevor, and I'm better off because of what's happened. Don't feel sorry for me." When I saw his reaction, I wished I'd never said anything.

"Geez, Case. I was trying to be nice."

"I know. But I don't need your sympathy. I need your friendship." He smiled.

"Well, that's something I can do." We sat in silence for a moment. "Let's go up."

"What?"

"Let's go up." He pointed to the tiny stage at the other end of the coffeehouse.

"No way," I replied.

"Come on," he insisted.

"What would I do?"

"Uh…" he thought for a moment. "Dance? Sing? Anything you feel like!"

"No way,"

"Please?" He put on an adorable begging face.

"No," I said flatly.

"Please?" he repeated.

"No,"

"I'll buy you a coffee," he bribed. While considering this, I felt around my pocket for money. Seemed to be just enough money for a cab home. I could've run for it right then.

"Ok," But I didn't. We got on stage and he began playing chords. The audience before us looked uninterested.

"I can't handle this," I thought to myself, looking to Trevor, who was concentrated on his guitar.

"I think it's time we all decide who we are and who we wanna be," The words spilled right out of me. At that moment, Noel walked in. With Derek.


	11. When The Sun Sleeps

Immediately I ran off stage, Trevor not far behind. He grabbed my shoulders and forced me to face him.

"You'll be ok, alright?" I nodded, taking a deep breath." So let's go face them." After taking a few steps, I realized that Trevor wasn't at my side. Looking back, he shrugged. I understood, and he was right. I need to do this on my own. Noel approached me first, giving Derek time to find a seat at a nearby table.

"Casey, you need to talk this out with Derek or you'll never be ok," Noel explained.

"I don't owe Derek an apology," I defended.

"I know. I know," Noel agreed." But he owes you one, and he wants to give it." Noel stepped aside, opening an aisle straight to Derek. I walked slowly, contemplating what I would say. Taking a seat, Derek looked up from the table.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hey,"

"Look, I'm sorry about the mess I've made," he started. "It started as something so simple. "Make Casey mad by dating Emily", but then it escalated to this. I never meant for it to be this way.

"But it is," He nodded gravely.

"Casey, what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I'll fix everything. I'll make you happy again."

"I am happy, Derek."

"Come on, Case, you can stop pretending. I know this kills you."

"You're right, Derek," I lied. "I hate that everyone who was friends with me hates me. I hate that everything is the way it is."

"I know," he assure me. "And I'll make it better." Geez, I was a good actress. Even the greatest actor alive was fooled by me (and my melodramatic acting).

"Thank you," I smiled. "I accept your apology." He smiled widely as he realized the meaning of the words.

"Thanks, Case." Noel and Trevor then interrupted our touching moment.

"It's all good?" Noel questioned.

"It's all good," I replied.

"Well, I hate to be a bother," Derek lied. "But Casey and I've gotta get home."

"No problem," Trevor replied. "See you at school."

"Bye!"

We stayed silent until we reached the park, a place I knew I could walk home from.

"Prank number four: Pretend to forgive your stepbrother for the stuff he's done to you." Derek suddenly pulled over on the side of the street. He came over to my side of the car and opened the door.

"Out," he commanded.

"Derek, I-"

"Out!" I quickly got out of the car to find myself imprisoned. His hand gripped tightly around my wrist. I tried to pull myself free as he pulled me toward the tree line, but his grip was steadfast. Before I knew it, we had stopped, the woods in front of us.

"Derek, please-" My sentence was stopped by Derek pinning me to one of the trees.

"Why can't you just accept that we're mean to be together?" he questioned, voice raised. I shook my head.

"No, Derek, we're stepsiblings. I-"

"Don't you dare give me that crap! We've never been that way! Why are you choosing not to see it?" he shouted. I could feel my eyes struggling to contain its moisture. My face felt enflamed.

"Derek, it's not that way," I forced myself to say without my voice quivering. Why was this so difficult?

"Casey, don't lie!" he ordered, his grip around my shoulders tightening.

"You just think that we're that way because it's what you want to believe," I assured him. "Not what is."

"What about the kiss, Casey?" he questioned. I could see tears streaming down his face. Here I was, the new Casey, colder than ever. Untouched. Unfeeling.

"I didn't mean for it-"

"Yes, you did!" he screamed, then his voice quieted. "From the second you reacted, you meant it." He let go of me completely, and took a few steps back. "You meant all of it."

He left me by the tree line to wonder, "Who was I? _What_ was I?". I could've gotten up and walked home if I had wanted to. But I didn't. I wasn't ready to. I had a few questions that needed answering first.


	12. Phoenix With A Heartache

My options on who to call were short. I needed someone who'd be completely honest with me. Emily had been the one to do that for me, but again, I was running out of options.

"Casey?"

"Hi, Dad"

"Where are you? The caller ID didn't bring you up," he questioned.

"That's because I'm not at the house," I informed him.

"Oh" I could almost see him nodding his head. "So what is it?"

"Dad, what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you, sweetheart. You're perfect." There was a pause. "Oh! Gotta run! Bye!" There was a click. He was gone.

"Dang it," I thought. "Even my own dad won't be honest with me." I need to find someone who could be. But who could be more honest about it than Derek?

"Casey?"

"Hey, Sam, mind if I come in?" He shook his head and opened the door widely to me.

"Um…No offense, but why'd you come?" he inquired as we situated ourselves in his living room.

"I want you to tell me what's wrong with me," I informed him. He stared at the ground obviously deep in thought.

"Well, you always need things to be perfect," I nodded. I was still working on that. "You hate dealing with problems," I nodded again. "And you hide your own feelings to make sure that nothing changes. that you can never get hurt." I stood up.

"That's not true!" I shouted, a smile came to his face. "What's that for?"

"Casey, stop being so defensive. Feeling's are a good thing." I sat back down. "Ever since you and Max broke up, you've been denying that you feel upset. You don't always have to be happy for the rest of us. We wanna make you smile when you're down, too."

"I showed I was upset," I defended.

"No you didn't," he argued. "You changed your look-"

""For me," I interrupted.

"You told off his new girlfriend only when _she_ came after you," he continued. "And you told off Em when she tried to make you like Derek." I laughed.

"Isn't that expressing my feelings?" I questioned, a smirk upon my face.

"That's defending yourself," he insisted. We both laughed.

"Thanks, Sam,"

"No problem. Stop by anytime."

"How about staying here tonight?"

"What?"

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"Casey, I know we went out but-"

"On the couch you dufus!" I joked. "I just don't wanna face Derek tonight."

"What happened?" Sam inquired.

"He sort of…confessed." Sam nodded understandingly.

"And you don't feel the same way?"

"No," I responded quickly. Sam gave me a suspicious glance. "Maybe…I don't know." I put my face in my in my hands, hoping to stop the burning. Instead, my face was greeted with more warmth.

"Is that why you came over?" I nodded. "Do you really think talking to me is going to help you decide if you have feelings for Derek?" I shook my head. "That what are you here for?"

"I need to know why Max didn't love me," I replied suddenly. "I need to know how he suddenly stopped having feelings for me. Why I wasn't good enough." I saw Sam shake his head in disapproval.

"You really haven't changed at all, Casey."

"What?"

"You still have this desperation to be perfect."

"No, I don't!" I shouted, the wells in my eyes beginning to fill to the brim.

"Yes, you do!" Same shouted back. "You're always so desperate to fix things. To try to make things perfect next time around. "I need to know why he suddenly stopped having feelings for me"," he mocked. "Well, Casey, it's not something you can analyze! It's not something you can fix!" He grew louder. "Sometimes it just happens!" I could feel it. The softest touch I'd ever felt. It comforted me yet stung at the same time. "Casey?" My hands were shaking as they reached towards my face. "Casey, please say something!" Sam seemed so far away. "Casey, I'm so sorry! Please just say something!" I looked him in the eye.

"Then what will keep him from leaving?" I questioned, letting the pleasure and pain out completely. Sam tried to wipe each droplet away, but I took his hand from my face. "Don't."

"Casey, I'm sorry. Please, just don't cry," he begged.

"Yeah, you don't look good when you cry," I looked up to see him holding a Kleenex box.


	13. The Communication Breakdown

There was a knock at the door. As Sam went to open it, my pace quickened.

"Of course he told Derek that I'm here," I reminded myself. He's Derek's best friend. When Sam returned, I was relieved and shocked all at once. It wasn't Derek after all.

"What're you doing here?"

"There's only so many places you can hide."

"How'd you know I was missing?"

"Derek." I nodded. "After calling all of your friends, I decided. "Why not try her ex boyfriend?" Nothing like getting with your ex to make your stepbrother mad." My eyes widened. "Derek told me it wasn't your fault."

"And you believed him without question," I stated bitterly.

"Look, Case, I know I was wrong at first, but I ended up in the right, didn't I?"

"You know what, Max? _This_ is why our relationship didn't work out."

"What?"

"You never trusted me! You never wanted what was best for me! You never put what I wanted first! It was always "I don't care about what's important to you" but then you'd show up at the end! Well, guess what! You should've been supportive of me from the beginning! You shouldn't have just show up because you cared about me more than something else! That's why our relationship didn't work out, Max! It was never about me," I focused my final glare. "It was always about you." Sam and Max both stood in shock as I caught my breath. "And that's why you suddenly stopped having feelings for me. Because I wasn't all about you." Max shook his head defiantly.

"Casey, that wasn't it!" he shouted. "It's just that you expected too much of me!" I shook my head.

"Look, I know I wasn't the perfect girlfriend, but at least I can admit it! I wasn't always thinking of you when I did things, but I'm owning up to it and I'm becoming better!" I yelled back.

"I'm out of here," he announced, stomping towards the door.

"Wait," I called after him. He turned towards me. "I don't regret going out with you." He smiled.

"Me neither," With that, he was gone, and I doubted that he'd ever enter my life again. I feel back on the sofa, taking a deep breath.

"Feel better?" Sam asked, picking up the phone.

"Much," My brain began to function again. "Wait. Who are you calling?"

"Your mom" he replied. "She'll want to know where you are."

"Please don't!" I begged. He clicked the talk button. With that, I got up and started walking out of the house. The street. The neighborhood. I wasn't exactly sure where I was going, but I still wasn't ready to face Derek. I need somewhere quiet to think. Supposing it was past midnight, there weren't many places I could go. Listing them all in my head, only one came to mind.

Hopping over the fence, a very un Casey-like thing to do, I found my feet upon solid concrete. The water before me motionless in the night. I took of my shoes and socks, then jumped into the pool; feeling the water soak through my clothes, embracing my skin. I propelled myself downward until I reached the bottom and settled. The silence around me and the abstract moon my only company.

"So what do I do now?" I asked myself. "I can't really go back to Sam's. Home is out of the question." I chuckled. "I can't hold my breath forever." With this though, I worked my way to the surface, gasping for air. I immediately forced myself back down. After a few moments, a shadow appeared upon the surface of the water. I continued to sit there, hoping they would leave, but I eventually had to come up for air.

"Edwin?"

"Hello, Casey," He glanced over my attired. "Comfortable."

"What do you want?" I inquired angrily. (Obviously, what pretty much ever Life With Derek fan wants- Dasey).

"I want what Derek wants," he replied.

"But what about what I want?"

"Never really came to mind," he admitted. "Now look, you go home and admit to Derek that you feel the same way." He paused. "Or suffer the consequences."

"Ha! You Venturi boys and your treats! What can you really do? All of my friends are gone! My "family" wants Derek and I together! What else can you do to me, Edwin?"

"It's not what we can do to you, Casey." His smirk became Derek-like. "It's what we can do to Lizzie, or Nora." My eyes widened.

"They're probably pro Dasey just like the rest of the freakin' world!" I shouted. "Derek and I will never be together! And I'll get my family out of your house!" I quickly got out of the pool, realizing my options were slipping. Edwin followed me back over the fence.

As I started walking, he shouted, "There's nowhere you can go that I won't find you!" I turned back to him.

"Then maybe I'll just have to cease to exist."


	14. Ready Fuels

Now, of course I wasn't actually thinking of killing myself, but it sounded like the best thing to say to a guy who threatened to stalk you. It sounded better than a complete surrender. Honestly, I had thoughts of running into Derek's arms and pretending that I was happy with him. However, me being the Casey that I am, I could never do something so totally against what I was feeling. I didn't know what I was feeling. It was a rush unlike any other to tell Max off, but now I had to face everything else in the world. What had I done when I broke down in front of Sam? Had I meant it? I know I'd been extremely emotional at the time, but was there any truth behind it? I shook my head.

"No," I assured myself defiantly. "My feelings for Derek are as they've always been. Cats and dogs." After a few more sentences with odd similarities, I found myself ready to return home. Ready to face Derek (and/or any other Dasey fan in her way).

"Casey, where have you been?" Mom asked worriedly the moment I walked in the door. As she took in my appearance, I knew I had to think quickly.

"I went over to Kendra's…to talk about everything with Max and all. Obviously, I ran into some sprinklers on my way," I lied. "I meant to call you, but my cell died and her dad was waiting for a call and I didn't think I'd be out this late." I looked to Mom for her approval.

"I was just so worried," she admitted. "And when Derek said you might've run off with Noel for revenge on Max, my heart just stopped."

"And you believed him?" I questioned angrily, completely mortified that she'd taken what'd he'd suggested as a possibility.

"Well, you hadn't called, and you were at Emily's. I would've believed Marti if she'd said you went to the moon." I couldn't help but smile at this thought. "Derek was really worried," she continued. "He's still up in his room staring at the wall." A sudden look of shock came to her face. "Oh! I should tell George not to call the police." I nodded happily in agreement. This was what I wanted. One, big, happy family. And there was only one thing getting in the way of that.

"Getting bored yet?" Derek stood upright.

"What do you want?" he inquired angrily as I entered the room, shutting the door behind me. One of his eyebrows shot up.

"It's nothing like that," I assured him. "I just need to discuss some of the things that happened at the park with you."

"Discuss…?"

"Yeah, I just think we need to talk it through."

"Oh, yah do? Do yah?" His sarcastic tone was starting to bother me, but I held my temper.

"I do."

"Well there's really nothing to talk about. Either you've come to tell me that you think we're meant to be together, or you're still an idiot."

"Derek, we're stepsiblings-"

"See, you wanna "discuss" this, Casey, but it's more like you telling me what you want!"

"No, that's not-"

"But, it is, Casey! It is! You don't realize my feelings! I can't just pretend that they don't exist!"

"I'm not asking you to,"

"Yes, you are!" he snapped. "You say that we're stepsiblings as if it solves everything! It solves nothing! It just let's you pretend things are perfect for a little bit longer! Casey, I can't just pretend that I don't have feelings for you anymore!" I turned to leave, but he grabbed my wrist. "So I have to sit here and listen to all that crap but you can leave whenever you hear something you don't like? You're such a hypocrite, Casey." He let go of me.

"I'm the hypocrite?" I questioned. "You're the one who acts like he hates me in front of everyone, then pulls a confession out of his butt! You're the one who says he wants me to be happy, but won't let me be! You're the one who sent Edwin to the pool to threaten me!

"What?" he asked, eyes widened.

"And you deny it! And yet you call me a hypocrite?" Derek shook his head in frustration.

"Just admit that you don't know what you want, Casey!"

"Gladly!" I shouted. "I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want!"

"Let me guess, you're gonna make a speech trying to convince me about why we shouldn't be together!"

"No, Derek, I think even you have the common sense to know the answer to that."

"But that doesn't stop me!"

"You're just idiotically persistent!"

"Love knows no bounds!"

"We're in high school," I commented. "We don't know what love is."

"But I do, Casey. I knew it from the moment we kissed."

"That was lust, Derek." Before I couldn't continued, I was up against his wall. His lips were upon mine.

When he pulled away, he asked. "Was that lust?"


	15. Sober

"I don't know," I replied quickly, backing away from Derek. It was the scariest feeling I'd ever felt. I was…numb.

"Yes, you do," he insisted. "You know that was love."

"No!" I shouted stubbornly. "It wasn't love, Derek! I'm not even sure what love is!"

"Then let me show you," he suggested, taking my hand.

"This is it," I thought to myself. "Just agree. Let him take you in his arms. Let him hold you face in his hands. You'll fall in love eventually. Just say ok." I shook my head.

"I can't, Derek. I've gotta do this on my own." He let go of my hand, completely shocked.

"You can't fall in love by yourself."

"I know," I forced a smile. "But I've gotta learn to love myself first. I've still got a few kinks to work out. I mean, what kind of person am I that I'm not even sure _how_ to love someone anymore?" As tears began to cover my face, Derek held me tightly. "I just-I just can't, Derek. I wanna feel that so bad." He squeezed me tighter in his arms. "I wanna feel it so bad."

"I know, Casey," he assured me as he rubbed my back. "I know." We sat there for a while, me crying into his shoulder. The only sound my whaling as the tears of self pity poured out. Once I had finished crying, and now limited myself to quick, deep gasps for air to avoid more waterworks, I thanked Derek. "Now, Casey." He took my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him. "I now that all this loving yourself could take a while, but it's alright. I'll wait for you to be ready." My walls shot up.

"Where's this coming from?" I questioned bitterly. "I mean, you just send Edwin after me."

"No, I didn't," His face conveyed truth, but I still was uncertain.

"Yes, you did," I replied.

"Casey, I didn't," he insisted. I took a deep breath.

"Then what is Edwin doing? How does he know?"

"I don't know, but I'll find out," Derek assured me. He stood up and walked out of his room, me following close behind. We entered Edwin's room to find him working on Derek's latest school project.

"Hey, Derek. Casey," His eyes lingered on me for longer than I would've liked.

"What the heck were you doing at the school?" I asked angrily, fists quenched.

"What pool, Casey? I don't know what you're talking about," he insisted.

"Cut the crap, Edwin!" I shouted. "What were you doing there?"

"Casey, I-" His throat was in my hands, I could feel it breathing. His devilish smile hid beneath his eyes.

"I'm not kidding. Why were you there?" He turned to Derek.

"Derek, I don't know what she's talking about. Honest." I glanced quickly over at Derek to see he was considering that Edwin was telling the truth. I let go of his throat and stood there in shock. What had I done? I didn't waste any time, I walked as quickly as I could out of the room, Derek not far behind.

"Casey, what was that?" he questioned. I didn't reply, just kept walking. "Casey," he pleaded. "Casey, is this how things will always be? Me trying to get you to talk to me and you running away?" I turned to look upon his face and felt the overwhelming numb. Quickly, I fled for my room, locking the door behind me. Derek banged upon the door. "Come on, Case! Open up!"

"Don't cry," I commanded myself. "Don't cry." No matter what, I wasn't going to go crying to Derek gain.

"Casey!" he persisted. "It's ok to be angry at Edwin, it's just-"

"It's just that you believe him," I finished calmly. I could hear Derek let out a deep sigh.

"I believe you, it's just that I believe him, too," he explained.

"You can't believe both, Derek. They contradict each other." He agreed then fell silent. A few moments later, I could hear him walking away, then a door shutting. I was finally left alone with my thoughts.

""What were you doing, Casey?" I asked myself. "Did you seriously want to choke Edwin? Do you hate him that much?"

"He threatened my family," I retaliated. "And then denied it."

"Maybe, but that's not a good enough excuse to do that."

"He lied! He flat out lied and Derek believes him!"

"And I thought I could've had feelings for him!" I scoffed.

"Don't kid yourself, Casey. You can't have feelings for anyone anymore." I nodded gravely as the meaning sunk in. I was numb. Forgotten what love meant. What it did. There was a knock at the door.

"Casey?" Upon opening it, I found the exact person I was thinking of.

"Edwin?"

"Didn't I warn you to keep quiet?" My eyes widened.

"You little liar!" I snapped, resisting the urge to grab his throat and choke him.

"Now, Casey, remember to keep our secret," He paused. "You have no idea what I could do."

"I made a promise, Ed. I intend to keep it."


	16. The Greatest Actor Alive

"Despicable," I mumbled under my breath as the family ate a quiet meal. Edwin stuffed his face as though nothing had happened. As though he were fine. I tried to contain the violent trembling running throughout my body as I thought back on the incident. My behavior didn't go unnoticed. Edwin grinned with delight and Derek's eyes were filled with concern. The rest of the eyes were downcast, as if trying my "count your food" method to avoid the awkwardness that tensed the air.

"Kids," George spoke up, breaking the silence. "Nora and I have to go visit my dad. His cancer's getting worse." I forced myself not to groan at the words I already knew were coming next. "We'd talk all of you, but I think you'd be too much for him to handle, and he hasn't seen Marti yet."

"So you're gonna take Marti, and not _me_ to see Grandpa?" Edwin asked disbelievingly. George nodded.

"You trust Derek?" I questioned sarcastically. "What makes you think he won't throw a party again?"

"Derek's matured," George insisted. "I think we can trust him."

"Derek? Mature? I never though I'd hear the two words in the same sentence." I scoffed.

"Well Casey and fun don't exactly go together either," Derek snapped back.

"Come on, guys!" Mom interrupted. "Just for one weekend could you try to get along?"

"I can if he can," Mom lifted an eyebrow at me.

"I can," Derek agreed. She smiled pleasantly at him.

"So it's settled then," George concluded. "We leave on Friday."

"A whole school week away," Lizzie added. She shook her head in disappointment.

"At least we have something to look forward to," I encouraged.

"Forget being worried about Derek throwing a party, I'm worried about Casey," Mom joked.

"And who said Casey and fun were two words that didn't go together?" I directed towards Derek. He smiled, a sarcastic air about him.

"So how are we gonna kill time till then?" Edwin inquired.

"It's Sunday. We have five days." Lizzie calculated.

"You can play princess with me," Marti suggested.

"No, thanks," we all replied simultaneously.

"Don't worry guys, school will keep you busy enough," I assured them. They groaned at the words."

"Maybe Derek's will," Edwin added sarcastically, receiving a glance from Edwin. Of course, it could only mean one thing.

"So they are in this together," I thought.

I quickly excused myself from the table, Derek not far behind.

"Casey," he whispered, taking my hand. "Come with me." Not seeing another option, I did. He led me into my room and shut the door. "Casey, who the heck are you?" he questioned. "One minute you're sobbing all over me and the next you're throwing insults."

"Just continuing the show you've always put on for them. That's what everything is to you. Isn't it, Derek? A show?" I snapped. "Getting the attention."

"Don't kid yourself, Casey. That's you!" Derek shouted. "From the moment Max broke up with you, you've pretended to be strong so that nobody would pity you! Well, I've seen you cry, Casey, so _you_ can stop pretending!" I stood there in shock, wondering if what he'd said was true.

"I am strong," I forced myself to believe. "I don't need Derek to come to my rescue when things go south." However, I allowed myself to see the actress I'd become. So desperate to show everyone that I was alright, that I forced myself to believe that I was. I didn't want to admit that this breakup really was affecting me.

"You're right," I agreed. The shocked look on his face was priceless. "But I'm moving on and becoming a better person for it. At least, I'm trying to be. And I don't care I your psycho little brother tries to destroy my family, because I'll put us back together if he does. So tell Edwin to go ahead. Do his worst." I felt triumph. Like I'd just climbed the impossible wall.

"But, Casey," Derek interrupted, destroying that feeling. "What does that have to do with us?"

"Shouldn't you be using such terms with your girlfriend, Emily?" I questioned. I'd never seen Derek looked ashamed before, but this was definitely it.

"Crap it," he said under his breath, realizing he'd cheated on his girlfriend multiple times with her ex best friend, his stepsister. I couldn't help but smirk at his reaction.

"Maybe you should call her," I suggested. He nodded dazedly.

"I've gotta break it off now," he concluded.

"Why's that?" He looked up at me with the weirdest grin I'd ever seen.

"Because now that I've pledge my undying love for you, I can't really keep a girlfriend," His voice never wavered. He sounded completely serious, but a moment later he burst out laughing. I joined in, hoping we could put the business of love aside. "But I really should call her."

"Yeah, go do that."

Sorry it took me so long to update!!!!!


	17. Mouth Like A Magazine

"Oh, Casey, you were right! I saw it coming but didn't want to believe it!" Emily sobbed on my shoulder that Monday. She'd called the day after Derek broke up with her, and for some reason, I forgave her. I nodded sympathetically to her comment, though somewhat annoyed.

"It's alright, Em. You deserve better," I assured her.

"I should've stayed with Sheldon!" she continued. "Maybe then I wouldn't be in this pain!" Shaking my head, I wondered if it was really worth explaining that all this was my fault. Deciding against it, I decided to go with my usual approach.

"Well, if you hadn't dated him, you'd only be envisioning what it'd be like."

"My dreams were so much better! She wined. My patience was at its end. Even though her heartache was indirectly my fault, I'd told her from the beginning that Derek was trouble.

"Look, Em, I know you're in pain and all, but you really need to stop this. You knew a relationship with Derek would never work."

"But I really thought he like me," she persisted.

"Well, obviously, he didn't." I replied.

"Casey, you're being really insensitive, and I need you right now." I absolutely couldn't believe what she was saying to me.

"Oh, yes, Em. I must be an insensitive pig for not wanting to hear you complain about the boy you ended our friendship over." I snapped.

"You ended our friendship, Casey. I gave you a choice."

"Yeah. Really rational. Either be happy for me and my boyfriend, or get lost. Great options."

"You just don't understand"

"No, _you_ just don't understand. You ruined our friendship over Derek. Is it always gonna be that the guy's gonna be picked over me?"

"It was never like that," she insisted.

"Yes, it was! You know it was! You put me in a position where I had to stand by and watch you get hurt either way. At least I can say I warned you."

"Warned me? You **told **me not to date him!"

"And don't you see why I did now?" I questioned.

"I just didn't see it coming this badly. When he told me he was interested in a girl who didn't want him, I didn't know what to say. It was like a smack in the face. I knew he'd gone from one girl to another, I just didn't think it'd happen to me."

"I don't even know why I forgave you," I admitted. "But I refuse to be friends with someone who would believe a guy over her best friend." When Emily didn't respond, I walked off to third block, ready for almost anything.

"Geez, for a girl who says she hates drama, you sure do get a lot of it."

"Trevor!" He smiled down upon me as he took his seat.

"So how did this conversation with Emily go down? I thought you guys were friends again."

"We were," I informed him. "But I'm really tired of her complaining about how she lost the guy she ended our friendship over." Trevor nodded understandingly.

"So no chance in you two being friends again?"

"Not likely."

"Casey. Trevor," the teacher interrupted. "Anything you'd like to share with the class?" We shook our heads, then set our eyes upon our notebooks. Then it hit me. Trevor liked Emily!

"Oh my holy crap!" I thought. "This will definitely make for an awkward friendship…" After class, I tried to correct my mistake.

"Trevor, look, I'm really sorry-"

"About getting us called out in class? No problem. I thought I should be the one apologizing."

"No, that's not it. But thank you. What I'm sorry about is how I've made things awkward between us and-"

"How are things awkward?"

"Because you like Emily and Emily and I aren't friends anymore-"

"Casey-"

"And you like her, but we're friends, so it could ruin your chances-"

"Casey, I-"

"In fact, Emily might hate you for being friends with me-"

"Casey-"

"And I know that I've put you in a completely bad position-"

"Casey, shut up." I stopped abruptly mid-sentence. "I don't like Emily. I'm surprised that it's not completely obvious who I like."

"Who?" He moved closer, the hairs on my back stood up in fear. Trevor's lips were on mine. I pushed him away with a quick, strong force. "What the heck do you think you're doing!" But Trevor was looking in a different direction. At Derek.


	18. Unendlich

"Derek, it's not what you think," I insisted, running after him as he tried to get away. He stopped then turned toward me, angry eyes.

"And what is it that I think, Casey?" he questioned sarcastically.

"That Trevor and I are together. But-"

"You know you sure do make good time of breaking the heart of a guy who's promised to wait till you were ready to love. Obviously, you already are." The bitterness in his words created enough tension in the air that anyone walking by would have to stop and wonder what in the world was going on.

"Derek. No. That's not how it is," I pleaded. "Please just listen to me."

"I just don't get it Casey," he continued. "You insist that you're not ready. That you're unsure of your feelings for anyone. And yet, I find you and Trevor. Hmm."

"What am I doing?" I thought to myself. "I don't have to explain to Derek that Trevor kissed me out of nowhere. That I don't want to be with Trevor. If Derek doesn't wanna know, that's his problem."

"You know what," I added. "If you don't wanna listen to what I have to say, then fine. I don't know why I'm wasting my breath."

"I think we all do, Casey," he snapped back. I froze for a moment. Thinking of a deeper meaning that Derek could be speaking of.

"Because I can't stop breathing or I'll die?" A smirk came to his face.

"Sure, Casey. You think that."

"But Derek, seriously, it's not what you think."

"And what do I think, Casey?" he repeated. Shrugging his sarcasm aside, I repeated.

"You think that I like Trevor. But I don't."

"And why do I care?"

"Come on, Derek. You know why you care." He nodded, a sheepish grin on his face. Probably from the happiness he got knowing that the love of his life wasn't going to ditch him for a "punk" kid.

"Ok, so why do _you_ care what I think?" I thought for a moment, knowing that the next thing I said would probably start another fight between Derek and I.

"I don't know." I stated simply.

"You don't know?" I nodded. "Great, Casey. Just great."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't know anything about what you want, yet you go walking around saying "I'm the new Casey", with your new haircut and crap. You're even more self righteous than before."

"How can you say that?" I questioned. "Half the time you or Edwin have been trying to back me into a wall to go out with you. If anyone's such a hypocrite, it's you."

"Yeah, Casey, keep telling yourself that."

"Yeah, Derek, it's you! "Big man on campus" finds a girl that he actually likes, yet treats her like crap when anyone else is watching."

"I'm done, Casey." His eyes said more than his words ever did. He meant the stretch of forever. He was just as tired as I was of our fights, our stupid, stupid fights. I was usually the one to walk away in these situations, I'd never realized how hard it is to watch someone else do it. I wanted to run up and stop him so badly, but my legs wouldn't move. I was immobile.

"Casey," I turned to see Trevor behind me. "It's Derek, isn't it? The reason why you don't want me."

"No, Trevor, he's not." I replied firmly, yet one thought still echoed in my mind. Why did I care what Derek thought? I wasn't ready for anything. Derek, in a sense, had been right. I really hadn't changed as much as I'd thought I had. I still expected everyone to understand the way that I felt, but they didn't. I needed an outlet. A way to let everything go. The whole ordeal with Edwin. And Derek.


	19. To Whom It May Concern

"Casey McDonald?" the bulky woman with a clipboard in her hand asked, obviously thinking that it was a joke.

"That's me." I replied, trying to sound as bored as all the others that were gathered.

"Oh" was all she could manage. I nodded to the people standing around me, taking glances at me when they thought I wasn't looking. They thought they knew me. "Perfect Casey." But they were wrong. I had to prove them wrong, I realized, or I'd be stuck in the rut of perfection forever.

"Alright, two teams of six." the coach announced. "Dillon. Henry. You two are captains, go ahead and start picking." There were only eight people left, so I knew that there'd be a place for me on either team. I just hoped that they'd have me.

"Dillon, you've got Casey." Henry mocked as it came down to just me sitting on the bench. Without hesitating, I got up and joined my team.

"Yeah, just shut up, Henry." Dillon shot back, obviously used to Henry's nagging. Dillon then turned his attentions to me.

"Ever played volleyball before?" he asked.

"Does the volleyball we play in gym count?" He shook his head, as though laughing to himself.

"Alright, since you don't know how to play actual volleyball, you can stand in the front until I have time to teach you. Okay?" I nodded, unable to reject his offer. I'd come to the volleyball club with no skill what so ever, I had to take what I could get.

"You ready, Casey McDonald?" Henry asked as he positioned himself behind the serve line, getting ready to send the ball flying towards my side of the net.

"Yeah!" I shouted meekly, hoping that I didn't mess up. Actually, to be honest, it never really came to me. It mostly went to the people in the back row and the person who was in the front center. However, when Henry decided to come up to the center on the other side, I knew I was dead meat.

"Alright, Casey, I've gonna lob it up. Even you can't miss that." he coxed. I nodded, unsure of how I was going to hit the ball. I was short, I knew that much seeing myself next to Henry and Dillon, but I had to do something.

The moment it happened was a blur, I saw a ball coming, jumped to get it, and before I knew it, it was in Henry's face. Next thing I knew, Dillon was laughing hysterically, pulling me into a hug.

"You were amazing!" he concluded. "A natural spiker. You should join the girls' volleyball team."

"I agree," the bulky woman intruded, putting out a hand. "I'm Coach Jones. You interested?" I nodded, completely speechless. "Of course, we'll have to give you some hardcore training to get you ready for the season, but you'll be good for us."

"Training?" I inquired, nervous at the thought of having to spend hours on end with a woman who, I could already tell, wasn't pleasant at all.

"Don't worry, I'll assign Dillon to you. Him, or Henry." When she started laughing, Dillon and I awkwardly joined in. "Anyway, you'll start on Monday."

"Alright. Thanks." I called as she walked into the girls' locker room.

"So I guess I'm teaching you," Dillon stated.

"I guess so."

"Alright, after school on Monday. Bring kneepads and arm pads…" he instructed. I nodded my head, trying to remember everything. Something told me that Derek would be none to fond of Dillon being my trainer. Not only was he a guy with a heartbeat, but he could probably spike the crap out of Derek. The only way I'd know what Derek was thinking was if I told him what was happening.

"Are you kidding me, Casey?" Derek questioned when I told him that I'd be joining the volleyball team. "That's great!"

"Um…Here comes the part you won't like." His smile fell. "Dillon's gonna train me for the season." He nodded his head.

"You just can't stay away from guys, can you?" he joked. I laughed. "Look, Casey. I told you, I'm done. You can be with whatever guy you want."

"But, Derek, I don't-"

"Whether you like him or not is none of my concern, ok? It's what you want." But I wanted him to care. I wanted him to concern himself with who I liked or didn't. But my chance had passed, and Derek and I would slip back into a comfortable sibling ship.


	20. Stranded

"Casey!" In a crowded hallway, anyone could be calling you, but I knew this voice. "Casey!" I turned to see Dillon walking towards me, a bright smile upon his face.

"Hey," I greeted, unsure of what exactly to say.

"Hey. So are you ready for some intense training today?" he asked, extremely sarcastic with the "intense."

"Sure," I replied just as sarcastically. "After school today?" He nodded. It was Monday, and as far as I knew, I didn't have anything planned. I'd pretty much cleared up my schedule for volleyball. And Dillon. In the days since Derek had proclaimed that he no longer cared what guy I wanted or was with, he and I had made it a point to avoid each other. He made that easier by taking up a new girl, Chrystal. The entire weekend had been one **big** flash of P.D.A.

"So…have any plans for after practice?" Dillon inquired. This had been the moment I was waiting for, yet it didn't seem special. It seemed…bland. As though it really wasn't the big deal I'd wanted it to be.

"No," The word slipped from my mouth so easily, I thought for a moment that maybe it really was what I wanted. I wanted to get over the entire Derek mess. Edwin hadn't done anything, obviously he'd given up, too.

"Do you think you might wanna hang out?" Gosh, Dillon had a lot of questions.

"Sure. Where?" He let out an obvious sign of relief.

"Obviously no confidence," I thought to myself, then shook my head. "He's nervous. That's sweet." I repeated the last two sentences as Dillon explained where we'd meet and such.

"Alright, so I'll see you later," he finished, ducking out of the hallway into a nearby classroom.

"See ya!" I called to the nonexistent figure. As though my numbness couldn't get any worse, I ran into P.D.A. central, Derek and Chrystal. When he'd broken their making out for a moment, he caught a glance at me. I waved slightly to be greeted with a half smile, then he returned to his business.

"Such a pig," I told myself. "Objectifying women as though they were objects that you could make out with. At least Dillon treats me with some respect." Even though I told myself this over and over, the more I said it, the less I believed in its truth.

A few hours later, I met Dillon in the gym. He was dressed in gym shorts, and knee pads, obviously ready to get going.

"Casey, go get changed." he commanded. I nodded without protest. Minutes later, I returned in my gym clothes, feeling Dillon's eyes travel down my body.

"So what's first?" I asked. Two hours, two skinned elbows, and an icepack later, we were finally done with practice.

"Alright. Well, I guess I'll see you at five," Dillon commented as he left the gym, leaving me to sit alone with the net and the ball.

"I'll be there," I assured him. Then I was alone. It seemed so peaceful, as though there was nothing to proof. No defense that you had to put up. Silence was good.

"Case!" I jumped up just in time to see the volleyball come towards my face. Luckily, I was able to catch it before it had a collision with my face.

"What the heck was that?" I shouted, angry at being startled.

"Me." His smirk appeared. "Your demon stepbrother."

"Oh gosh." Derek worked his way up the bleachers until he was sitting beside me.

"So how was practice?"

"Fine?"

"Did Dillon spike his way into your heart?" I looked at him for a moment, wondering what he really wanted me to say. Did he want me to say yes? No? There was only one answer that I could honestly lose.

"We're hanging out tonight."

"Oh." He seemed startled. "That's fun."  
"I don't know," I stuttered. "I'm not sure if there's anything there."

"Well, you wouldn't have said yes if there wasn't any chemistry, would you?"

"Derek, I'm not even sure what chemistry feels like."

"Come on, Casey. Don't give me that crap. You know that feeling when you get it." I was partially startled by his reply, but I nodded in compliance, not wanting to start another argument.

"Better get home," he commented. "Don't wanna be late for your date."

"No," I agreed. "No, I don't."


	21. A Day Late

"So…Come here often?" Dillon asked as we took our seats in a casual diner in town.

"Not really," I replied. "I don't get out a lot."

"Because of the siblings?"

"Just because I don't really feel like it."

"Oh."

The most awkward dating conversation I'd ever had. It didn't matter that Dillon looked cute with his shower hair, it just wasn't…there.

"So what do you want from a relationship?" I questioned. He looked startled. As though he'd expected me not to ask any questions about it, despite being asked on a date.

"Um…a girl." Obviously. "Someone honest, sincere, ready to have fun, has a sense of humor."

"That sounds like a friend."

"Well, yeah, that's sort of the type of girlfriend I'm looking for."

"Oh. So what do you wanna major in?" He looked up at me as though he seemed beyond surprised.

"Major in?"

"You know, for college." I finally saw the light bulb go on. Geez, he hadn't been this slow when we were playing volleyball.

"He's just nervous," I reminded myself. Simply nervous. I focused my attention on the table, trying not to let him know how bored I was.

"I'm not going to college." My eyes shot up so that I could look directly in his.

"What?" I questioned, completely blown away.

"I'm not going. I'm going straight for the Olympics."

"Are you serious? Do you know how hard it is to get in there?"

"Hey, have a little bit of faith. I'm good."

"Ok, maybe he's not nervous," I second guessed myself. "Definitely cocky when it comes to volleyball."

"And what about after that. You'll probably only play for one year."

"Well, I'll tour with the guys for a while."

"The guys?"

"You know, the veterans of the Olympic volleyball team from that year. Go to a few charity games, and so on."

"And that's what you want your income to be for the rest of your life?"

"Casey, why are we talking about the rest of our lives when we're still in high school." I thought for a moment, thinking about how I'd only started the conversation for just that purpose, to have a conversation.

I found myself stuttering. "Because time goes by more quickly than you'd think, and you have to take the moments as they come before they pass you by for good."

"Deep." I picked up my purse, stood up, and looked Dillon in the eye once again.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I've got to go."

"Wait. Why?"  
"It's just not going to work out between us."

"Why?" He was definitely persistent.

"There's no…chemistry." He sat there, dumfounded at what had just happened. I however, was on my way out the door, down the street, heading nowhere.

I wasn't completely sure of where I was going, or what I was going to do. But I could feel again, and that was all that really mattered. I knew what chemistry was. I knew what love could feel like. That was really all that mattered.


	22. Reaching

"Derek?" I was there. Standing at his door. He looked up from his computer for a moment, then nodded me in.

"Look, I really need to talk to you." I started, taking my seat upon his bed.

"How was your date?" he questioned, keeping his gaze on the screen, where he was playing some computer game.

"Pretty much _the_ worst date ever."

"What happened?"

"I sort of got up and left." Derek paused his game, then turned to look at me, completely shocked.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding my head sheepishly. He smirked.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing. He just sat there like an idiot." Derek let out a laugh, thinking of a guy like Dillon being dumped.

"No way."

"Yeah. It happened. I didn't mean to be rude, I just sort of new that I shouldn't be wasting his time."

"Casey McDonald, do I see a hint of me in you?" I couldn't help but laugh at the idea.

"You wish."

"You're right, I…Anyway, so do you think he's still there?"

"More than likely."

"So why did you leave?" Derek asked, picking up an extra soda can from his desk and tossing it my way.

"He thought," I stopped for a moment, trying to contain my laughter. "He thought that he was gonna play volleyball in the Olympics for the rest of his life!"

"Casey, you probably killed his dream." Derek joked, taking a swig of his soda.

"I doubt that."

"But really, Casey. Why did you leave?" I took a deep breath, knowing what I was gonna say would sound really…odd to him.

"There was no chemistry." He sat up a little straighter when he heard that specific word. Chemistry. He craved that word.

"No chemistry?"

"None. I mean, Dillon's a nice guy, but he's just not the type of guy I'm interested in. And he was really only looking for a friend."

"So you didn't have chemistry with him?"

"Nope."

"Know what chemistry is now?" Derek asked. This was it. The moment I'd been thinking of without knowing since the moment Max had dumped me. I stood up, went over to Derek's computer chair, leaned down and kissed him. A kiss that I wanted. I felt. Made me alive. Derek pulled away.

"Case-" But I wouldn't let him finish. I couldn't. I though that if I let him speak, the moment would be over, and I'd have to return into my cave of numbness. No, I wasn't going back. Never again. He pulled away again, moving over to his bed. Leaving me standing alone.

"Look, Derek, the entire time it was me. I wasn't ready. I was the one who was running away from what I was feeling. I'm sorry that it took me this long-" Derek grabbed my hand, pulling me onto his bed, no words between either of us. That rush. A kiss.

Derek and I were like that for an hour or so before reality hit. Maybe the idea of stepsiblings being in love isn't exactly acceptable to the majority of the public, but we're ready to face whoever tries to stand in our way. Of course, as you've read in previous chapters, the family's pretty much okay with the relationship, even encouraging it. We're not really certain of the future, or where it will take us; but we know who we are now, in this moment, and that's really all that matters. I'd wanted to change, I just never thought that it'd be taking me down a path that led me to the only guy I should've ever wanted. So thanks for reading the journey that I had to take to find myself, hope to see you guys in the future!


End file.
